In this brief eternity...
Sharing with friends and fam...
Had to add this…Love ya Mom…I’m listening :-)
Today I lost My Mom after a seemingly short battle with cancer. During the last 5 months we have learned more about each other then we had in the last 44 years of our dance on this planet. She was my Mom and my friend and I will miss and remember her on a daily basis. In June of 2010 I lost my Dad after an incredibly short battle with cancer (2 weeks) He was my Dad and my friend and I have thought about him each day since he crossed. If you know me you know my commitment to my family and close friends. This was instilled in me by two of the most loving parents a person can ever hope to grow up and learn from. Some of the lessons they taught me have taken a lifetime to appreciate. Some I have only learned after they were gone. As I move on from these VERY challenging months in my own life journey I know I will miss them terribly but as I roll I hope to make them proud.
To all of you who have supported me and my fam through this unbelievable transition <— You know who you are - I Love and thank you from a place of appreciation that until this very moment as I drop tears on my keyboard did not know even existed.
I am forever changed.
Feeling close
Friday started out with a call from Aunt Lynn. I held the phone up to Moms ear. When Aunt said “I love you sissy” Mom smiled and the best she could said Iove you too. Mel took Friday off from work to stay home and hang <— I love you :-) we spent all morning with her just hangin and talkin. About 10 AM my friend Rodney showed up to hang out too (Thanks man. Was great to see you) soon after Aunt Linda and Aunt Kay were here and the love was flowin again :-) Mom was hardly lucid most of the day. Todd dropped in early afternoon (good to see you too man) Kim, Shaun, Mike and Nick all stayed till late last night. Nick sang to her. He’s got a great voice. Me and Mel took shifts starting at 2AM just to make sure she wasn’t alone.
Lots of Love
Feels like Mom is close now. Thursday was full of family visits and was the last day Mom could really carry on a conversation. My cousin Kim stayed with me and Mom the entire day. We spent most of that time bedside just hanging out and talking with each other and Mom when she was lucid. Aunt Kay and Aunt Linda came by to hang out with Mom for a few. When Mom saw them she squealed SISSY and started to cry. Nick and Lorain showed up soon after and the room was filled with laughs and past family stories. That night Mom was commenting on what a great day she had.
Losing them before they are gone
Read a post on a friends blog tonight (her hubby has the exact same tumor as Mom) in part “I looked up some support groups for caregivers who have been there for others with this same type of tumor…and the message that struck me the most was the one that said the hardest part was losing them before they are gone” That’s exactly where we are with Mom right now…She is pretty much gone at least 5 min ago when I checked on her. She will open her eyes but I’m pretty sure she can’t see me…I ask questions with no response. I can only hope she is hearing me tell her how much we love her. She looks peaceful…Breathing is good…she simply looks like she’s sleeping. I’m hoping that the sisters second visit tomorrow will be a lucid one. Today’s rocked the house…lots of talking laughing and love in the room. Kim and her hubby Shaun, Aunt Linda, Loraine and her hubby Nick as well as Aunt Kay and me all in the room at the same time. Yep, it was hella loud but there were smiles across the board :-)
Rosary
GREAT story with the priest..When he moved from confession to last rights Mom started saying Oh Dear….Oh Dear …OH DEAR…he calmed her and after he got through it he asked me for her Bible…Or Rosary…I said…Ummm she doesn’t have either…He said I really need something to give her to focus on…He thought for a minute and then reached in his pocket and pulled out his personal Rosary and wrapped it around her hand and kissed her forehead. Made Mom smile :-)
Prayers
Father Michael is here saying some prayers and administering Last Rites with Mom.
A couple years back we went with Gma and Gpa to Casper Beach by Mendocino. We stayed 10 days in the 5th wheel right next to the beach. Mel was in San Fran when we left but she joined us on her way back..Good times were had by all.
OK this is happening WAY too fast…The nurse shocked me this afternoon with the days left gig and now her breathing is really shallow and there are what seem like too long of a pause between them. She can’t hold her eyes open or even talk now.
I just went in and told her that I loved her..I thanked her for an awesome life. Told her not to be afraid. We would miss her and that it was OK to go…I kissed her cheek and then balled like a baby. I’m really not sure how long she has left :-(
